The best thing I did at my last job

Some highlights from giving and receiving team feedback on my way out the door

Unlike Wayfair, where we had exhaustive 360-degree reviews twice a year, I never had a disciplined feedback protocol while working at SAP. That might not be company process as much as it might have been a function of the team I was on and its approach to people management. Still, beyond my annual bonus and compensation review, which happened last March, I never felt like I had a formalized, ‘multidimensional’ feedback loop from which I could reliably get a sense of what it was like to work with me.

I don’t know where or how I was possessed by the idea, but somewhere in my two weeks’ notice at SAP, I decided to ask my team for rigorous, detailed feedback. People are always the most honest about how they feel about you and about the company when you’re about to leave the job, so why not make the most of it? They don’t have to be polite, they don’t have to be diplomatic or, in the case of some of my former coworkers, they don’t have to be HR-compliant. If you ask for it, they’ll tell it like it is to you without censoring themselves.

I already had a ton on my plate in the final days of my job, so to minimize the amount of work I’d have to do beyond wrapping things up, I made a small survey to collect the feedback I was looking for (including requests for contact info to keep in touch). I sent the link to the entirety of my piece of the organization, which I’d divide into a few key types of people (with a few miscellaneous folks thrown in):

1. The engineers and QAs, whom I more or less managed, actual organizational hierarchy aside.
2. The designers, who were my main cross-functional partners.
3. The other product managers, who were my peers.
4. The executives, who were a layer or two removed from my day-to-day and could speak to higher-level impressions of me and my work
5. My manager, for obvious reasons.

I focused on trying to solicit feedback from at least one person from all the groups above. With a combination of personal persistence, slack reminders, and encouragement that quality beats quantity in giving feedback, I got almost 20 survey entries by my last day on the job (I’m still bothering one person for feedback to get to the clean 20).

Here’s a little of what I learned about myself from the feedback I received:

How I’m feeling or what I’m thinking is still written all over my face: The main piece of constructive feedback I received from my coworkers was that I could be a lot better at concealing my irritation or frustration from team members. I know that my team’s confidence and trust starts with my ability to remain level-headed, confident, and solution-oriented. That said, I don’t always put on a brave, leader-worthy face. In fact, my facial expressions are not as subtle as I like to think they are — people mentioned my visibly rolling my eyes more than once on the survey. While I feel like I’ve improved between Wayfair and SAP, as I move to ASICS, one thing that’s top of mind is doing my best to keep a little more to myself more when feeling angry, sad, stressed or otherwise in an unbalanced state (or, if I need to vent the feelings, confiding in very few, very trusted people). I don’t think I’ll ever be perfect at this, and to some extent, I don’t want to be perfect at this: the beauty of my having no poker face is that people know I’m always being honest with them and they can feel comfortable being honest with me. Assuming that the feedback from my old VP and my last manager is true, that my emotional state (good or bad) disproportionately influences that of others, I intend to use that power of influence as a force of good on my teams.

I live up to my desired brand: When asked about times I did my job well and of how my previous coworkers would describe me to others, the highlights included:

1. “If there is a word for ‘constantly giving painful amounts of effort,’ I want that one in there.” I don’t know if there is a word for this in English, but maybe after a few months of working with folks in Asia, I’ll discover an equivalent Japanese term. The closest I can come to expressing this sentiment for now is something like “indefatigable” with regard to putting in work.
2. “Erica is tough and won’t take any shit; but she will also get shit done.” If profanity were allowed on resumes, I’d make this my tagline, but since that isn’t exactly going to do my professional favors, I might make that into a piece of wall art somehow. Another coworker phrased this sentiment as an “ability to cut through the cruft” and “holds people and self accountable,” which is more resume-ready.
3. “I will miss your style, scrap, and heart.” This was one of the most elegant ways I’ve heard anyone describe some of the characteristics I pride myself on, and it applies to the person I want to be in and outside of my office life. In the absence of expertise and knowledge in a given professional role or personal situation, the things I rely on are style, scrap, and, most of all, heart. The next time I find myself in a room and am asked about my leadership style or brand, I might use this coworker’s description verbatim.

The words that more than one person on the feedback questionnaire used to describe me included ‘driven’, ‘tenacious’, ‘caring’, ‘creative’, ‘passionate’, and ‘hardworking.’ All of those characteristics are great and encapsulate how I’d want people I work with — as well as people in my life more broadly — to think of and believe about me. They also make me wonder about how else I’d like people to describe me the next time I ask this question to a different group of coworkers. What do I want people to be able to say about me in the future that they aren’t saying now? If anything, something like ‘visionary,’ ‘strategic,’ ‘confident’, ‘leader’ — characteristics I hope I can demonstrate or otherwise grow into on this new job.

Sometimes I give good advice to other people that I need to hear for myself. To sweeten the deal, I promised that anyone who wrote me feedback on the form, no matter how little, would get a feedback recap from from me. The template for feedback to them was simpler than the one I used to request from them, but valuable all the same: what I liked about working with them, areas where I think they can improve, and any “last words” of advice I had for them. The first two questions forced me to reflect on my experience working with them and the last question forced me to think about what I would do if I were in their position and knowing what little (or lot) about the people for whom I was writing the feedback.

This was some of the best advice I was giving to others but also worth giving to myself (and maybe to those of you reading):

First off: “Be the change you wish to see [in the team].” Taken from the famous Gandhi quotation, this advice came from a discussion with an Indian engineer who was new to America and assumed that the company would be “fuzzier” and more warm, appreciative, and fun. I told her to find ways to make this into reality, whether it was by “carrying my torch” of sprint memes, standup chants and birthday parties, or otherwise leaving her own mark in creating a culture of appreciation in the team. Especially as I step into a team where my manager is heading out on maternity leave, I’m currently wondering ways I can support the positive norms and culture she has created and take them to the next level with “style, scrap, and heart.”

Next off: “Don’t let anyone treat you like you are free salsa. You. Are. Guac.” This piece of advice came as a coaching point for a designer who struggles on occasion with self-doubt (don’t we all?). In the recap, I proceeded to go on a pump-up speech for her to read on the rough days: “Be confident, or fake it until you make it. Be your own advocate or enlist others (who are positively and delightfully shameless) to do it for you. Do not sell yourself short. Take credit for and be vocal about your accomplishments. You have a bunch of angels to cheer you on and remind you how capable and strong and badass you are. Call on them when you’re feeling shaky.” I also added, “Text me. I don’t fucking care and I’ll always tell it to you straight and support you and remind you of what you deserve when you forget and be invested in your happiness.” Needless to say, she’s a friend I’m taking with me from that job and into my real life.

And finally: Ask for feedback! From everyone! The software development manager who has been in corporate America for something like the last 25 years mentioned he hadn’t gotten feedback in the last 15. My recap to him included the statement: “I can’t believe this is the first time in 15 years you’re getting feedback. Let the next time you receive it not be so long from now!” It was a strong reminder to me that it’s easy to get so caught up in the work that you don’t make time to ask others for feedback and it can go weeks, month, or even years before you give or get good feedback. As I step into more of a management role in my new position, I’m focusing on how to effectively give and get quality in-the-moment feedback, along with carving out time for more structured, regular feedback sessions.

Some of the delightful team members from my previous job who filled out my feedback survey (and whom I miss dearly)

In short, this ‘exit interview’ opportunity to give and receive feedback allowed me to learn a lot more about myself through others and to crystallize some noteworthy, tangible advice — for others as much as myself. I hope it inspires you to take new steps — or more steps — to become a champion of feedback in your own organization.